Monday, August 6, 2012

The Worst Songs of All Time...According to Me

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then I guess music is in the ear of the listener… or something like that. What I’m trying to say is, just because I think a song is bad doesn't mean it truly is. In other words, you may love one of the songs on this list and that’s cool. But for me personally, here’s my list of LEAST FAVORITE SONGS OF ALL TIME.

The Living Years (Mike and the Mechanics, 1989). My goodness, I am not even sure where to begin with this one. This may be my absolute least favorite song of all time (if not, it is a close, close second…see below). But I have consistently hated this one since the time it was released. "The main reason?" you ask. It’s cheesy. It’s beyond cheesy. It’s essentially an audio jar of Cheese Whiz, with a few slices of grated American cheese added on top for good measure. In my opinion it sums up everything that is wrong with so-called “soft rock”. But, the song was immensely popular, reaching number one on several music charts and winning awards. So, apparently I am in the minority. I’m okay with that.

Cats in the Cradle (Harry Chapin, 1974…but the Ugly Kid Joe remake from 1992 is just as bad). Words cannot express my contempt for this song. It is similar in theme to The Living Years, and is every bit as obnoxious (the themes actually have nothing to do with my dislike, however). In the end I can’t even explain why this song bugs me so bad, but it grates on my nerves, and may be rated, in my book, the all time worst song (maybe…but The Living Years is right there, neck-and-neck).

Friends (Michael W. Smith, first recording was 1983, but played ever since!) I hate including this song because Michael W. Smith seems like a really great guy. In fact he’s had some good stuff out there, if adult contemporary is your thing. However, anyone who knows anything about Christian radio in the late 1980s and early 90s knows Friends was played, and it was played a lot (similar to DC Talk’s Jesus Freak just a few years later). Yes, Friends has a good message, but I’ve heard it so much I don’t know if I could stand to hear it again. Nothing personal, Mike.

You Don’t Own Me and Lightening Strikes (Klaus Nomi, 1981 & 1982). Okay, I was hesitant to put Klaus Nomi on the list for several reasons. First of all, he was so bad he had to have known it, and therefore maybe that was part of his shtick. Secondly, he was never mainstream, so I wasn’t sure if he should qualify for this list. However, after re-listening to both songs listed above, I had to throw ol’ Klaus on here. If you’ve never heard him (or seen him) watch the videos here and here, and I think they speak for themselves. (Not cool ruining a 60s classic like Lightning Strikes, by the way). If this is your first time seeing Mr. Nomi (whom passed away back in ’83), then I’m guessing your reaction will be the same as mine was: “What the heck?” I also throw out a warning: Klaus Nomi may haunt your dreams. Forever. 

You’re the Inspiration (Chicago, 1984). You could really add any song from the “Peter Cetera as lead vocalist for Chicago” era, but You’re the Inspiration sums it up nicely. Cheese.

Tubthumping (Chumbawamba, 1996). The title may not be familiar to you, but you’ve probably heard the song…”I get knocked down, but I get up again”…blah, blah, blah. No matter what they call it, it’s bad.

Angels Among Us (Alabama, 1993). You could really insert any song that relies on a kids choir to back up the main artist. Kids choirs really up the cheese factor on any song, which in turn ups the annoying factor.

Okay…there are tons more horrible songs, and I’ll be back with future installments. But, what did I miss this time that is on your list? Let me know!

PS…I’m sorry if I got any of these songs stuck in your head.

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